roast

so my friend rebecca told me today that cosmo rated MY WORK as the number one place to meet hot, successful men.

still single.

i want a sandwich.

this creepy guy at work just told me to "buck up"

i'm mostly just pissed that lee won't bring me food.
i'll be here till eleven if anyone else has an extra sandwich.

WTF!

um, i just found out nate slaughter works at the mac counter. how the hell did that happen??!

handwritten postcards

dear future crush,
i'm really looking forward to meeting you.
waiting patiently,
ktron
ps. anytime.. really.

dear holiday consumers,
fuck you too. you are no more entitled than the next guy. and i'm smarter than you are.
with distaste, retail employees worldwide.

dear people i know,
not as many of you are on my shit list as it would appear.
with love, ktron.

professionalism

recently at a work meeting the term "happy marshall" was used over and over and over.

i couldn't help but think this sounded like a dirty move, and i laughed a little bit to myself each time it was mentioned. when "we would DEFINITELY have to GIVE HIM a HAPPY MARSHALL" was said i laughed alot really loud.

update

people off my shit list:

- lee t.d. (on probation)
- jeff t. and damian d. (because they don't belong on anyone's shit list)

everyone else: still applies.

ALSO.. on a lighter note happy birthday lisa.

snubbed

pretty much everyone i know is on my shit list right now for not inviting me to a holiday that i invented.

and various other reasons.

oh frack

i hate halloween. because it grosses me out.

ALSO... dressing up as a character from your favorite science fiction television show is only a good idea until you run into the boy-you-weren't-pretty-enough-to-date and he says "oh, i get it, you have completely given up on your image."

roast.

AA

assholes anonymous.

i realize that i am MEAN. a lot meaner than i used to be, pretty much all the time.

so.. sorry. i'll try to work on that.

the new hanging out

sometimes you drive far to hang out with your friend in real life.. but end up hanging out in DL from two rooms away instead:



and then this happens:



best face ever.

parenting 101

the highlight of my day was when a little kid with rollerskate shoes zoomed up to me and said, "excuse me, can i have some chocolate?"

(what the hell?)

((i was NOT eating, holding or located in place where there might be chocolate nearby))

bmw.. 123

the other day i saw this really ugly lady with a mitsubishi diamante tattoo. hmm.

THIS song instantly came to mind.

roast dot com

beings sick is such a roast.

especially when you spend 18 hours sitting in bed and you don't have the internet.

ALSO.. watching starwars in bed on a rainy day is still one of my all time favorite things to do

RL vs. VL

if real life were in fight with virtual life real life would win, because it has heart. if the fight happened in the future then RL would get its ass kicked.



ALSO.. i wish i had some limeade RIGHT NOW.

Jeans-Star

homemade jeans bitches!

mouse on mars

"who wants to go there anyway?? i mean, unless you are into alot of red shit"

-thats is mike on mars



















Mouse On Mars - I Go Ego Why Go We Go

i would want to go to mars if there are mice there making jams like this.

i wish

that i had this to put my lunch in EVERYDAY!

ALSo.... i don't have a phone!!! so everyone stop freaking out. i still have the internet and voicemail so it isn't the end of the world. hopefully i will have a new phone by saturday.

oh no!!

sorry!

dear jace,

i'm sorry that when i saw you today i said "you look like a piece of poo." its kind of your own damn fault for wearing an all brown outfit.

love, kristin

that is what is called "my internal monologue accidentally took a wrong turn in my brain and came out my mouth"

attention:

i washed my hair. so if that was holding you back from being my boyfriend you can go ahead and ask me out now.

about marsupials

my friend and i were determining which animals we resembled the most. she was a seahorse. thanks to google and "kristin animal" this discovery happened:



so i took a self portrait and realized it was true.

garden state 2

that movie is bullshit. every character is a terrible person.

also... it wasn't that awesome of a night, seeing as i was dressed for a night-in, wearing the ugliest (but most comfortable) clothes that i own and i ran into that boy that i wasn't pretty enough to date. roast.

WOOT!!

happy birthday brother.

i love you, even though mom said you were too busy for your family until next week.

ALSO.. congratulations to my best friend who is getting married.

chuckarama

advice

sometimes the wrong thing to say to a girl is "whoa, you look really tired."

sometimes that is the wrong thing for seven people to say in one day.

problem....solution.

today i was like:

SHIT! i need some pants and i only have one hour!



problem solved

missing!

i don't want to point any fingers or anything but my obi-wan kenobi action figure is missing.

ALSO.. i found my keys, so you can stop all the panic now.

OMG!

i just discovered style blogs today.

best day EVER!

ALSO.. there is this guy at my work that looks like a muppet. the owl muppet that tells everyone the news. this is really entertaining to my imagination.

about stuff

my computer (aka.. my boyfriend) is FIXED. it just has some serious amnesia.
now i just need to make friends with mr. internet again and i will be back in business.

ALSO... i was talking to my friend the other day and she said," i hope you die before me. your estate sale will be kick ass." hmmm.

reminder

please wear a helmet when riding a motorcycle... OR ELSE!!!!














(i found this on the internet today and laughed out loud)

snow cones

this guy that i work with claims that his uncle invented tigers blood.
i think he is full of shit!!!

bored 2.0

i wish that

a)my computer worked
b)i had 800 dollars
c)i didn't leave my ipod at chis's house

if you can help with any of these things.. let me know.
especially B. i really want to buy a cinema display for my broken computer.

zing!

i still think the best part of teenage summer will be when we throw a phone at scott whittaker.

johnny law

i almost got arrested last night. i thought about this:

1. i can't go to jail!
2. there are way too many germs in jail!
3. why are my friends making jokes! i am about to go to jail!
4. i can't go to jail!

ALSO... i'm fixing my computer this week because i took alot of shit-awesome pictures this weekend.

ALSO ALSO... there is this motormouth guy in my circle of friends who i hate. he relishes in this, which makes me hate him more.

technically

i haven't washed my hair all summer.

this may or maynot be why i don't have a boyfriend.

i'm back bitches

my love affair with the internet was too strong to let die with my computer.

FYI

there is a note on my computer that says:

"dear everyone - please do not use me, as i am sick. thank you, computer."

on top of that note is another note that says:

"dear computer - i'm sorry that you aren't feeling well. i hope you get better soon. love, house."

ALSO.. if you run into the theif that stole my car, please spit in their eye for me.

backpack summer

i know last summer was named backpack summer and this summer is named teenage summer and all, but i'm bringing it back. maybe next summer will be a more successful teenage summer, as i anticipate this summer to be a more successful backpack summer. and yes, that is a real live snake.

ta da!

dear mike,

thank you for the shirt and thank you for the sewing machine.

love, kristin.

ps.

mostly i thought the last post was a) well deserved and b) a funny joke. so please take it as lightly as i did.

payback is a bitch

my friend alluded to me that he thought i was not smart.
well guess what fucker, you look handicapped in this picture!! ha!

surprise

the best part of film is when it finally gets developed it is like a nice surprise. the worst part is when you pay for a cd of your pictures, only to discover that your scanner is better than the one at the camera store. roast.

(maybe i will scan in later, but for now deal with these low contrast poor products of the camera store.)

"nothing"

julia sent me an email asking me what i was doing tomorrow.

i sent her an honest response:

now i'm just guessing here, but most likely this will happen:

wake up around eleven (because: pathetic)
lounge around my apartment in my pjs and internet for about 45 minutes to an hour,
remove parking ticket from car that i got because i parked on the street and slept in too late to move my car in time,
go to my parents house to see if my paycheck has arrived in the mail, also see if my speeding ticket has arrived in the mail and snatch it before my mom sees it and switches me to a more expensive and inconvenient car insurance,
go to jcrew and buy a new outfit in celebration of myself,
got to the bank with my paycheck that hopefully arrives in the mail,
pick up 4 rolls of film from inkleys that have been waiting for me to be able to pay for them, um,
watch cable tv for about 2 hours,
maybe go to the post office, maybe,
waste time until 345,
take my friend to the airport,
wast time for another 45 minutes,
go to my (now more important) job. (woot)


i am shamelessly looking forward to my day tomorrow. if i devieate from this schedule at all i bet it will be the whole going to the post office thing.

ah ha!

i diagnosed my life today when i realized that i am annoyed by everyone. i don't see myself changing that so the future is looking gray.

no address has been listed

enon - the nightmare of atomic men

i forgot how much i loved this song until the other day. its one of my favorites. thank you jesse for giving me this cd because you didn't like it. thanks to everyone else who gave me their enon cds because they didn't like them either. you were fools for not giving them a second chance.

you see, its like that one time i went on a date with my internet boyfriend and mike said, "get ready for weird..." but it was nice that someone wanted to go on a date with me. actually its nothing like that at all, now that i think about it because enon isn't doing that whole pretend like you are retarded thing.



ALSO.. i decided one of my favorite things in the world is mailing surprises in the mail, so if you give me your address you will not regret it.

conflict

i'm sick of everyone acting like i'm going to hell for wanting to go out to dinner every sunday. i can't see my damnation for wanting to enjoy a nice meal once a week.

ALSO.. today my friend told me that he thought he was the perfect human. he must have himself confused with jesus.

roast dot com

i met my mom for lunch today at a restaurant that my family has been frequenting at least twice a month for my entire life. i have ordered the EXACT SAME thing my entire life. i was running late, so when i arrived, my mom said she had ordered something for me. it was some random gross shit that wasn't even close to my usual order. awesome. even our waitress knew what my usual order is.

mrs. blubby

today at a job interview i did a dance move i like to call the "mrs. blubby." i think it was a huge success.

ALSO.. i saw hot matt yesterday and it made me realize that i don't miss any of my old friends except tommy and justin.

p.s.

(but the postcard i sent tj was better)




















ALSO.. if your name is dallin j. your cd is going out in tomorrows mail. here is a taste of what you have in store.

mom dot com

i got off work the other night to find i had 8 missed calls. "wtf?" i thought. apparently these conversations happened while i was at work:

my stepdad to my mom: "you need to come home right away! kristin's married!"

6 hours later:
my mom to my brother (frantically): "have you talked to your sister lately??!! is she married??!! what's going on here???!!"
my brother: "????"
my mom: "she sent us a postcard.. i can't get ahold of her...aparently she has run off with some.. with some RAILROAD MAN!!"

the best part is i saw my mom the monday i returned from my trip. this happened on friday.

update

in case you all were wondering: nothing happened with my internet crush.

ALSO.. i have a crush on this song.

lessons learned:

i just got back from vacation where i learned many valuable life lessons, like, freedom is NOT free.




















ALSO.. don't swim in the sea when the tide is going out and you are wearing your favorite NOT WATERPROOF stormtrooper watch. roast.

wtf??

do you know what i hate?

culottes.
but serisouly. they were bad the first time around, and i don't believe in fashion second chances. ALSO.. they always go up your butt (never flattering), not to mention cameltoe. so please everyone, stop wearing them.


ALSO.. if you are my internet crush that is coming to town this weekend please bless that you have a crush on me.

woot.

welcome to my blog bitches.